Saturday, December 17, 2016

Apologies in true friendships go a long way

In a perfect world, we would all accept one another and get along.  The reality?  We are all different and have different ways of processing feelings, thoughts and actions.   Sometimes, people are just assholes and lack empathy.  These are the same people who take no responsibility for their actions. Especially when it is a negative move or just a plain stupid mistake.  We are all imperfect and are works in progress.  Everyone makes mistakes.  A sincere apology goes a long way.  A fake apology never fixes the problem or repair a broken bridge.  Her is an example of a fake apology.  " I'm sorry you feel that way....or I am sorry that I hurt you. "  Or any statement that shows no remorse for hurting someone.  Some people are so arrogant and stubborn, they do not see how their action could be wrong or create a conflict.  It is what they wanted and how they felt.  Don't these people realize that a decision one makes can affect others around them or others involved?  No.

Some of us do not have a filter.  That's fine.  But guess what? When you do not have a filter and you say something that may be hurtful and come off as rude, there will be consequences.  The consequences could be endless:

-  Since not everyone puts up with unnecessary snarky remarks, negs or left-handed insults, you may be dropped and/or confronted.  Especially if the person on the receiving end has any self-esteem and/or self-awareness.  Do you realize that if your friend is pissed off at you, lets you know and you still don't see it, you may not be able to move past it?  Some narcissists have a hard time seeing or understand when they hurt someone and why they make someone mad.  It's a sad thing.  Not all narcissists are evil, but they will alienate themselves from others by their selfish actions.  Friends should tell you what you need to hear and not what you want to hear.  However, there is a fine line between being insulting or just telling the truth.  If someone doesn't ask for an opinion or advice, don't offer it.  Especially if it indirectly tears someone down.

- Which brings me to this.  Feelings and opinions are not facts.   People need to stop acting like they are.  We are allowed to have feelings whether they are negative or positive.  Stick to the what and why things happen the way they do.   People have a tendency to rationalize their emotions and use them as an excuse to behave the way they do.  This can be positive and negative.  Really give some thought before you say or do anything.

-If you are scared to be honest or keep too many secrets from someone, maybe you don't value this person as a friend and you don't like them.   I don't get this because if I don't like someone there is a good reason and I don't rationalize or make excuses.   Someone has to do something really shitty.  I think that's petty and it's astounding how petty people can be with groups of friends.  It's ok not to like someone.  Not ok to be shady,  mistreat or gossip about someone.   Chances are, gossip is fueled by negative opinions and jealousy not based on facts.

When people care about their friends or relationships, they will do their best to try to make amends if they say or do anything hurtful.  They don't give an insincere apology.  It all comes back to someone making excuses for bad behavior and rationalizing.  When this doesn't happen, I often wonder, were they actually a frenemy and not a friend?  I will touch more on this later. 

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