Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Weddings or the idea of them are fascinating. Yeah this may piss a few people off.

I have never had a dream of the "white wedding".  I am going to get married for the second time and hopefully last time in my life.  When people ask if they can come and/or when it is big day, I just tell them my plans, which is that I'm having a civil ceremony and immediate family will be there if they can make it.  The room has a max of 10-15 people. We are not fancy and didn't want to spend more than 500.00 on wedding related stuff.  That includes our marriage license and we plan to wear simple wedding bands.   No huge wedding, no ceremony, no reception, no bling and mainly, no frills.  The Mister and I just want to make it official after being a couple for almost four years and knowing each other nearly twenty years.  The Mister thought it was overdue and felt it was time for me to have his last name.   We are already married in spirit, so why not get the piece of paper and move on with our lives.

As I continue to repeat myself when people ask me about a wedding or wedding plans, people seem disappointed that there will not be a wedding.  I cannot apologize for that.  Getting married is a personal thing for me and I have had cut ties with a lot of people who have not been sincere in my life.  There are friends who are like family to me and I appreciate them.  And there are blood relatives of mine and the Mister's that have not been as supportive as they could be.  So why should we have a wedding?  To feed people who are secretly hoping we split up, who are closet racists or who just want a social event to attend?  Really?  Not on our watch and pocketbook.

Many events in the past are water under the bridge for us and some, well the damage has been done.  I have pissed off and offended people in the Mister's life apparently.  People have said and done hateful things.  I cannot apologize for being black, being honest and just being myself.  We were not put here to be abused or used by anyone that has been in our lives.   I am not waiting for or expecting any apologies, but they are in order if they want things to go back to the way they were. (At least a little bit.) Anyone that knows me understands that I do not run from confrontation and I don't freak out when people disagree.  Our individual truth differs and everyone has their own lessons to learn.  I am humble enough to understand that and not take things so personally.  I am just over people's petty issues and not being able to apologize when they deeply hurt someone.   Look people, life is never all about you.  Every decision you make will impact another's life whether it be directly, or indirectly.  We are free to do what we choose, but sometimes, you will kill a relationship that can be very beneficial.   If you choose to have people in your life, that is your choice, but remember, if those folks hurt a family member it will have an impact.  In addition, it can break trust when lies and petty jealousies are involved.   People have a tendency to insist they are right and try to prove a point by not resolving a bullshit issue.  They reject and hate for no reason.  Or they don't understand someone so they make their judgement and start drawing lines. More Petty BS probably rooted in their own personal misery and apathy.  This takes way too much energy and you are only hurting yourself in the long run.  In other words,  it's your problem.   By the way, ignoring an issue doesn't make it go away.  Confronting stuff can be a step to work through it.  In other words, to keep your house clean and free of dirt and dust, you need to sweep, mop and vacuum. Dirt and dust doesn't go away on its own.  Or else, you will have a HOARDERS looking house.  We like a clean house in this neighborhood, some people don't get that concept.

With all this being said, we are not having a wedding for many reasons.

  • Cost.
  •  Fake and petty drama from folks that just want something to talk about secretly hoping that the Mr. ends up back at his parents or in the street because they are pissed off someone has his back.
  • We have been connected for years, and married in our mind we just want to make it official. This is going to offend people,  but it's true.  Can't apologize for that.  True love doesn't see color,  or religion my friends. When we both realized that we were soulmates we were involved and/or  married to other people.  We didn't think it would happen, so we forgot about it.  We were both  miserable in our other relationships were tried to have with other people and made the excuse that  were were just friends. Finally, in 2009 we were both single at the same time and decided to give it a shot.  This bothered some people who felt we were both better off with our exes because it made them more comfortable.  Some people just hate change I guess. 
  • Time
  • We are not trying to show off.   We love each other and are best friends, so why not?

It is also not personal if people are not invited to the local City Hall.  There is not enough space and do not try to make me feel guilty, we are doing this for us, not for anyone else.  I have a handpicked witness who I love and trust.  This witness, along with my brother will bounce any crazy cross-eyed ex that may decide to crash!  We may have a party later.  Ideally, it would be nice to have a party immediately, but we have folks that don't know how to act at my house and some who just don't like the arrangement period.  Why fake it with me and come over then? I am not going to have folks in my house that don't care for me and the Mister . What is the point?  I tend to focus on those who love us and who are positive.  And mainly, loyal.  Loyalty has become big with us and some people have proven that they are not.  A few people have been and we appreciate it.

Also, even if money were not a factor and everyone supported our union we wouldn't want a wedding anyway.  We are not registered anywhere, because we have all the household gadgets we need.  Some people get married for the party and the attention.  We just want to get married, because we love each other as cliche as it sounds.

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