In the past and just recently, I started having more people over my home. I live simply and as my mother would say, my home is like a hobbit house. I don't expect anything but respect. I do my best to be gracious, kind and accepting. From my experience, most people are respectful, kind and gracious. However, there have been other times people have issues with respect and judgment. This shows lack of home training on their end and often, lack of self-respect. Their issues, not mine.
I am not saying that my rules and ways are the right and only way, but they tend to keep the drama out. If boundaries are not made clear, then drama ensues.
1. Greet the host and/or hostess. You would think this is common courtesy, but it isn't. The few people who had has issues with this, are not invited over to my home anymore. I don't care if you are related to me, speak. It comes off as extremely rude and disrespectful if you ignore the people who pay the rent or mortgage on the home. My great-grandmother threw salt behind folks she didn't want to return.
2. Do not show up unannounced. I have a life and if you know where I live, you are either family, a close friend or a stalker. Stalking is illegal and it's not cute, funny or slick. I will call the police if I don't know you or I know you and want nothing to do with you. Exceptions are made for the Mail carriers, UPS and FED/Ex workers.
3. Don't show up empty handed. At least offer to bring something. Even if the host says its not necessary. If it's a kick back night and we talked about it, nothing will be expected.
4. If the host asks you to take your shoes off, remove them. In many Asian and Polynesian homes, it's customary to take off your shoes.
5. Don't bring in drugs or firearms unless the host requests it. This should be common courtesy, but often, it isn't! For instance, if a host is drug-free and you are not, leave the drugs at home! My husband and I are not into drugs or firearms.
6. If you smoke, please step outside. No judgment on tobacco.
7. Try not to take a dump unless you absolutely need to. People tend to get very comfortable in my bathroom.
8. If you break something on accident, offer to replace it. More than likely, if it's a glass, it won't be a huge deal and we will let it slide. Try not to stain anything either.
9. Respect our property and belongings. For instance, Our music and book collection is not part of a public library.
10. If my husband or I organizes a party, check with us to see if you can bring someone we do not know. There are some awesome people that know some real assholes and we don't want these assholes at our home. Ragging parties are the thing of our past because we have had a few. Over it.
11. If you have an issue or don't like the people or one person who lives at that residence, don't attend the party. It's rude to sit on a sofa with your jaws tight, while you are throwing shade. Common courtesy, right? You would be surprised.......Life it too short to have petty issues with folks. You can get glad in the same shoes you got mad in. Again, this is your problem and I ask you keep it away from me and out of my home please. (smile)
12. Your children are your responsibility. Not mine. Love kids and can be kid friendly, but the beauty in that, is that I give them right back to you. Same with animals.
13. Be nice and respectful to the wife, or you definitely won't be invited back. (See number 11.) Same goes for the hubby. I work too hard and try to live carefully. My husband and I pay the bills, not the bitch with the attitude. In other words, when same sex friends or exes try to pull rank on the spouse? Guess what? This isn't high school. You will not win. There are too many of us who are grown and choose marriage or a committed relationship. (it's usually the single folk or those in unhappy relationships who try to pull rank). No one should be disrespected in their own home. Some call it controlling, I call it not taking any shit! If any shade is thrown, you will be bounced. Ya dig!
14. Questions about this are not only acceptable, they are welcomed. Never assume. I am more open than I appear to be and will answer all and any questions about this subject candidly.
I think these rules are reasonable. My husband and I have had to compromise over these rules over the years. People are different and nerds, ( sometimes, some are special cases that need disclaimers.) I think I have the right to pick and choose who I have in my backyard and kitchen so to speak. There are people in our lives that have always been welcome and some who are not. There are people who would be invited, but maybe associate with people I cannot trust and/or are potentially dangerous. Friendship is based on trust and sincerity. This takes effort and I will not open my home to people who do not or will not make effort, but assume that friendship with one person of the home is enough. Not everyone is going to get along and that's fine. Gatherings are better at public places for some groups and others can be trusted enough to come to our home. No hard feelings, just facts.