I have never considered myself Susie sunshine. Never! In fact, people have told me to smile all my life and would ask my poor mother why I didn't smile. I was not a smiley child. I wasn't miserable, but I was serious. Rarely smiled, unless we were listening to Richard Pryor or my mom was making me laugh. (which she still does, actually, we make each other laugh now.) She was never ashamed and never made excuses. She always said, "Tamiko is smart, she sees through people." (And people wonder why she is one of my best friends and why we are so close. Ha Ha!) This is why. She always defended me, understood me and my humor and still loves me unconditionally. I am blessed to have the best mom in the world (and one of the coolest dads), but this is besides the point and seems a bit trite. I still don't smile all the time. My step-dad calls me somber. I don't feel I am, but that is what he sees.
With this being said, I smile more now than ever. Well actually, once I hit 30, I realized that being a grouch was not serving me so I started smiling more and being more aware of how my persona affected the people around me. I told my friends to call me pastel goth or happy hesher. I really got tired of being cynical. Although, I am still a realist and focus on facts, I have some faith and I want to be a source of encouragement as oppose to the former angry dark cloud. I have my moments, but overall, I let shit go. It is not worth being miserable or staying in a negative situation that is not serving me. At 33, I changed careers and there have been battles. I do my best. People have misunderstood me, being threatened or have just been negative towards me. I cannot help that I have a lot of energy and want to get along with people. At the end of the day, it's their problem, not mine. I am responsible for my life and I refuse to allow any hateful beast to steal my joy. I am a work in progress and my main goal is to live in truth and be the best I can be.
I still struggle with cynicism and anger at injustice, prejudice, racism and other thing I find stupid, but I continue to make an effort to look for the best. I continue to smile at people as I walked down the street and speak people I know. It makes my life better and I refuse to be a burden to myself or anyone around me. My life continues to feel easier and , I have really lightened up. At some point in life, you get tired of being pissed off. Now that I am pushing 40, I say "Fuck em, if they cannot take or joke or if my smile pisses people off."
First of all, why do people care if people smile or if they are content? We all want to feel good and you have the choice to do so or not. Acting and feeling miserable is a choice. If you don't like your life, change it. It can be as simple as deleting a few numbers or changing your diet. Or changing careers or starting a new hobby. No one has to do anything they don't want to. If you are pissed that someone else seems content with their life, go look at a mirror and start focusing on yourself. Stop looking at other people and figure out what you want and focus on what you enjoy.
However, as time went on, I repelled old friends and anyone miserable. I met new people and I never got along with the miserable shits. I have to say it, they are miserable shits, because I was open and non-judgmental. Judgement is not good for the nervous system and took too much energy out of me. As I have become more content, the people who act hateful and hostile, seem to be really miserable all around. Also, they seem stuck, judgmental, confused, racist, hostile, insecure and all of the other adjectives that a psychologist would describe as a depressed person who needs meds.
Life is short and long at the same time, do what makes you happy. If you hurt others around you along the way and you really care, explain why and then move on. Then, let it go, even if it pisses people off. If they are pissed off, they are not getting to their own happy yet.......A smile makes anyone more beautiful. I am not only talking about aesthetics either.
I started just laughing when people get pissed that I am not a miserable shit. Apparently, they don't know me. My attitude used to really suck and I didn't trust anyone.