If you have dreams and things you want to do, you have to say no to people who claim to love you sometimes. It doesn't mean that you don't love them or respect them, it just means that you have to do what is right for you and your life. If you gel with someone or a group that your family does not feel comfortable or agree with, you have to agree to disagree.
I don't agree with everyone and I do not expect everyone to agree with me. Most people pretend. They pretend to agree with something or someone just to get along and get by in life. They tell people what they want to hear instead of being honest. They are friends with and tolerate people they don't like in fear of looking like the bad guy. If you ask me, you are already the bad guy for being phony to that person you do not care for. To me, that is more hurtful and disrespectful in the long run when the absolute truth comes out. People think it's love when they lie and/or keep secrets to try to protect feelings, but it isn't. People deserve the truth. It's easy to not know where you stand on something when you are caught up in secrets and lies and when you are saying yes to things that you may want to say no to.
Most people love with condition. Most people keep people around them who are useful and mistreat those they cannot use. They also mistreat those that pose a threat or those who openly express traits that they are afraid to express themselves. Most people have their own version of the truth, thus making it their own personal white lie. They love you because you do what they want you to do. You may live life by the terms they feel comfortable with. Your decisions pose no threat to their existence. This goes for spouses, kids, parents, siblings, cousins, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, lovers, colleagues or just about any human being that is a part of your life.
I have had to say no to loved ones, friends and family members. Believe me, people think I'm a selfish and evil jerk for doing so. People think I'm a not-so-nice person and even a bad person, by not doing what they would do. I didn't marry the type of person I was suppose to. I didn't chose the career path that certain family members wanted for me. I don't have children of my own. (According to some family members, that makes me selfish, not even acknowledging my health history, after all, I apparently deserved to get sick at 18 years old.) I chose college and an interesting career over working a dead end job. I hung out with and dated people of different cultures than me. They have told me they know what's best for me and begin to act unloving because I did not chose to do what they would like. I was told I couldn't do things. I was told I was not that smart or attractive enough to pursue what I wanted. I was told I should be a music video vixen. I was told I was a loser and that wouldn't amount to anything and should just settle for what I have. I was told I was weak. (Now, that's laughable). I was perceived to be something I wasn't because I didn't act or think like the other women around me. I was perceived to be something I wasn't based on my race and what I looked like. I'm not the person they expected. I was accused of being petty because I confronted people when they lied and gossiped about people who didn't deserve it. Heck, who am I to get to the bottom of it and set the record straight when they want to keep spreading hate and their poison. Certain family members were abusive and I just said no and walked away. As a result, I was condemned for not taking any emotional abuse. I was honest about how I felt and confronted those who aggressively disagreed with me or treated me with contempt for no reason. Thus, I was a bad guy, because I just want to get to the truth and always asked why. There is a reason for people's bad behavior or indifference. I guess my big problem is that I really have a desire to understand and know the truth. It's not a way to win friends and influence people, but it has been the only way I have been able to accomplish some of the things I want to do in my life. I don't think one's friends, (who we choose by the way) or relatives should control any personal decision someone has to make. So many people make decisions based on what other people think and want. As a result, they feel unhappy, trapped and not true to themselves. In the end, people really do what they want anyway whether they regret it or not. In the races we run in life, people bet on the wrong horses everyday and put their faith in donkeys.
It saddens me to see loved ones put their dreams on hold, or not pursue it at all, because of someone else. It saddens me that I feel I need to defend myself with sarcasm because that is the only language that many people that used around me understood. In the end, it's more selfish to hold someone back or resent someone for living their life on their terms. All decisions have cause and effect. Make the best decisions for yourself. It's okay to love those who are not for you from a distance and it's okay not to go around people who are not supportive and condemning. It's fine that they feel the way they do, but it's also a waste of their precious time to carry that burden of resentment. It's okay to say no to spiteful and jealous people in your life. It's okay to say no to those who bring up your past failures and point out your faults. It's okay to say no to sabotage or someone talking shots at you. It's okay to walk away from people who say they love you, but at the same time tell you that you are not capable or good enough to live your dream. So what if you make a mistake, fall, or do something hypocritical. Work on fixing that and move on. I am more inspired by those who do not need approval from anyone else and pursued their passion with integrity. This is the person I want to be.